We’ve all been there. The only thing that your Aunt Beryl knows about you is that you like golf. And that means that every Christmas, she types ‘golf gifts’ into Amazon and chooses something random from the cascade of crap that comes up in the search results. You smile politely, pour yourself a second Baileys of the morning and wonder if Boxing Day is too soon to sneak out for nine holes and a couple of pints. There’s a lot of rubbish in the world of golf. But the five products below might just be the most rubbish...
Just imagine the conversation on the first tee. “I’ve got a Titleist 4 with two blue dots,” says player one, before piping one down the fairway. “I’m playing a Sounder number 1. They’re great – you should try them,” announces his partner, who also stripes one down the middle. “I’ve got a Shanker #1 with Twat printed on it”, says player three, before topping one into the bund 15 yards in front of the tee. It’s going to be a very long round.
Still want to play when the ground is frozen so solid that you can’t even get a tee in the ground? Worried about the expense of broken or lost tees? No problem! You need this four pack of colour-coded rubber tees, held together with a piece of string! My favourite thing about this is the reviews: “Poor quality. String broke on the third hit and one tee was never to be seen again.” Honestly, you’d expect better for £4.25.
Why bother with all the fuss of a pencil and scorecard when you could keep score using this handy battery-powered two-player stroke counter. Yep, someone has actually taken those clip-on stroke counters with a little plastic wheel on the side and bothered to update it for the digital age. Allows you to count up to nine for each player on each hole. Which feels like it might not be enough for the kind of golfer who has this dangling off their Powacaddy.
When tour players try to explain the speed and slopes of the greens at Augusta National, they often claim that “it’s like putting in the bath.” But why limit your bathroom short game practice to the bath, when you could work on your putting stroke while sitting on the throne? The Potty Putter golf game comes with a green, hole and flag, putter, two golf balls and Do Not Disturb sign for the bathroom door. And quite brilliantly, Amazon have classified it as meeting the educational objectives of developing 'numeracy and spatial awareness'.
We may just have saved the shittest until last. You sometimes read about those content farms where people get paid to write fake Amazon reviews. That must be what’s going on here. Apparently more than 750 people have bothered to post a review of this plastic tosh, and nearly half of them gave it a five-star review. It’s enough to make you weep for the future of humanity.
Looking for gift inspiration that the golfer in your life will actually appreciate? We've got you covered... Christmas Gifts from Sounder